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Here comes a story I thought I would not tell in my diary, a story that shows me in a particularly ugly light – exposing my personal paddy’s sexual misdeed. However, while I was drafting a post on guilt and shame, this story, kept churning around.
Maybe someone else could learn from it, I thought, or relate to Sinmi’s selfishness and foolishness. Maybe not. For the upteenth time I pondered how she could have let it happen or, more truthfully, chose to let it happen – but we all love and supported her through it all. What exactly was “it”?
Its so sad to admit now that Sinmi was the other woman in a shabby and ill-conceived short-lived rebound love affair that in the end forced upon her truths about herself that she needed to know and did not want to learn. Emerging from her firt relationship (yes, Sola was Sinmi’s first and only love from way back in University days), this made her incapable of making rational and reasonable decisions regarding a new partner.
That’s exactly what I tag “the rebound woman.” She’s the one who often seems to be handling the failed relationship pretty calmly with perhaps a public sigh of relief and even a well-adjusted sense of humor and ruefulness.
However, she’s the one, the unlikely one, who will “fall in love” on the rebound, with no clue as to her sad and fallible state of mind. Desperate to distract herself from the lost relationship, behind her own back she is a rebound love affair waiting to happen. Looking back now, I see clearly that I was one of those rebound women – after all my men changing game like diaper back in Abuja during my NYSC, although at the time I flatly denied it and would probably have snarled at anyone who pointed out that fact to me LOL.
Sinmi clutched at her chest for hundredth time that day. It was becoming an all too familiar habit since Sola had broken up with her. Sola had left without any real reason – he was just forming too busy for Sinmi and told her he needed some space as he had so much going on with him blab la……. One day he was there and they were in love: the next he was gone. She begged him to stay, begged him to just talk it out, but it fell on deaf ears. Sola refused to talk.
So, for weeks now Sinmi would feel the pangs of missing him and clutch her chest in an attempt to hold it together, as if the gaping hole left by Sola would swallow her whole. She had perfected the art of smiling and pretending she was okay; though she was anything but. Sinmi blamed herself for everything and kept telling herself that it was because she wasn’t good enough, that she was a bad girl, and that she was hard to love.
Night after night dragged on she found herself wrapped in his tee shirt holding on to his perfume scent, clinging to that last little bit of hope that he would return.
I had been too busy shuttling between Magodo and the house, to check on my dad and pack up documents and all for my masters program and all. Some few weeks after the break up, I told Sinmi to look at herself in the mirror, looking back at her was a wild, unkempt lady who had some few resemblance to her.
Then I called up Sola and put the call on speaker phone to listen to our conversation. “wats up Sola, how you dey?” I said.
“babe I am fine o, how are you and the girls? I miss you guys o but I have been busy” Sola said
“ahnahn sola, too busy to hang out abi” I said
“are you at home?” Sola asked, and I lied by saying NO.
“well, babes, I have a little secret to tell, you. I am having a blast with this new babe I just started seeing, we both work in the same office and she has been so kind to me this past few days in helping me cope with the break up” Sola said
Gbam, that’s exactly what I needed to hear “hello, hello, Sola, the line is breaking o, let me call you back” I hurriedly cut off the call in pretense that the network was poor, before Sinmi will burn my cable by bursting into tears and making Sola know that she was around me and heard the whole conversation.
Standing in a wrinkled, over-sized white button up shirt, with the jaka-jaka hair standing up in places looking unkempt, make-up smeared down her gaunt cheeks and dark circles under her swollen eyes, Sinmi busted into fresh tears.
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This was the smack of reality Sinmi needed to wake her up. She touched her face and turned her head from side to side, then ran her fingers through her hair. “No more.” Even her voice sounded strange. “What have I done to myself?” Sinmi crawled back in the bed and wrapped her blanket around her.
Sinmi did something she hadn’t done in weeks; she slept soundly through the night. Saturday morning she woke with a new feeling, a new sense of power.
The next morning was a Saturday – our body training day, Sinmi threw her hair in a bun and went for a run, something she hadn’t done in a while. The harder she pushed herself the madder she became. She struggled whether to be more upset with Sola or herself. In the end she realized she was angrier at herself for behaving so weak.
Rounding the corner of our street she said again, “No more.” Sinmi decided what she needed was to stop wallowing. So she ran a bath to shave and buff every inch of her then showered to wash her hair. She was going out – yipee, Simi got her groove back LOL.
Later in the evening, we all drove to a bar to get some drinks and celebrate the return of Sinmi. As we walked in and chose a dark corner, we ordered drinks and suya. And I suggested we get some hookah smoke too – been a long while. Everyone agreed except Aisha. We got a chocolate flavor and puffed away.
As we were enjoying ourselves, a talk dude in cargo shorts walked up to us and was like “good evening ladies, and hello Sinmi.” Sinmi looked up and yeepa “hello Dayo, how was church unit meeting today?” Oh boy, so this dude na church guy, see us boozing and smoking away – devil pikins LOL.
He told us he was sited across us with his friends and having fun too. They moved the party to our table and we all had a blast before heading home. I noticed even in my high hookah state that Sinmi and dayom were chatting like old friends and having some contacts that was a bit questionable (Sinmi baby, am happy she is getting Sola off her mind jare)
The following few days, Sinmi was back in good spirit, only for us to find out that she had started dating Dayo. We all attacked her like “mother gagu” of Binta my daughter, and each advised her against this “rebound package.” She totally denied this allegation and we all kept out of her new found business.
Sinmi started keeping late nights and whenever we asked her why “its work” she would say.
I knew it wasn’t work, but we were all quiet because of her newly found happiness.
Then exactly 1 week and 2 days into this “newly found happiness,” Lolade walked in on Sinmi in a dark room sobbing lie a woman who had just lost her child. She called us all to get home soon as we could. “I saw my Sola this afternoon having lunch with that silly girl at his work place, and they were even having lunch at our favorite lunch place.
He saw me and just waved without any hellos” she said. Lolade responded by saying “I thought we were over Sola now, or what is all this jati-jati again” while Aisha held Sinmi in a warm embrace. Then she burst into a louder cry “even Dayo is a bloody liar, do you know that guy is getting married in a month time?” we all shouted “what, you are kidding?”, “you didn’t tell us you and Dayo were an item already o” Lolade said. “no I am not, I was just beginning to catch feelings, and we already had sex several times” Sinmi said.
“Eh Eh, see me see whahala oh, Sinmisola, ahnahn this your own rebound na wa o” I said. Aisha was the only one who remained silent through it all, and she had Sinmi in a warm embrace as I poured my mind of disappointment to her. I was not judging her, but I was angry at the fact that she hid this rebound “tingy” from us all, and now she got burnt really bad.
She actually found out through a colleague at work who was invited to Dayo’s wedding,and that was after fucking the bastard about 4 times already…. LOL
Sinmi baby this rebound na die o.
Break-ups are horrendously painful but they serve a great cosmic purpose; once it doesn’t hurt anymore, you can look back and learn something. However, a month isn’t a long enough time for the hurt to go away. All sinmi could feel was the absence of adoring and being adored.
I had told her earlier that she is the one walking away with hurt feelings, and that if she decides that she needs to jump into another relationship for her own benefit at least she should have consideration for the other person involved. But of course. She is an adult and would rather get her fingers burnt to learn more lesson – the hard way.
“Someone who is “on the rebound,” or recently out of a serious… relationship, is popularly believed to be psychologically incapable of making reasonable decisions regarding suitable partners due to emotional neediness, lingering feelings towards the old partner, or unresolved problems from the previous relationship. Rebound relationships are believed to be short-lived due to one partner’s emotional instability and desire to distract themselves from a painful break up, and those emerging from serious relationships are often advised to avoid serious dating until their tumultuous emotions have calmed. – Wikipedia”
XOXO for the night, Shakiti Baby