EPISODE 28: Some Mornings After


Out of over excitement, I totally forgot to take my pills… YEEPA, I DON DIE O. Goriola and I usually use a condom always, but last night, the excitement was too much and for the first time since a longggg time, as bruv skin dived into this honey pot over and over again and I had no worries because:

1. It was our first time skin to skin and it was heavenly (not that the previous ones had not always been, but human psychology and skin-diving things LOL). And

2. Because I was just too anxious and didn’t plan ahead for this spontaneous act of wild passion.

I was worried sick, and the next thing I did was to call Lolade (she is the pro at all these things, knowing how best to use her contraceptives and protect herself).

“Lolade, I am in deep shit” I said

“spill it already, what have you done this time? Slept with another sogar uncle?” she asks, laughing out so loud that I had to ask her if she didn’t go to work.

Well it’s not that o, I skin dived and practically forgot to use any prophylaxis after, I am freaking out, and sneaking around the house so mumsi wont suspect something is wrong”

And then I heard “Adukeeee, please come o” I panicked and cut Lolade off on the phone, because whenever my mum calls me by the local “oriki” that means something is up. God I hope she has not been sneaking behind me and heard all my conversation with Lolade.

”Ma” I shouted back as I rushed out of the toilet where I was hiding to make my secret call.

On getting to the sitting room, I hissed out loudly when she said “please come and check this arm for me, it is swollen and I can’t remember hitting it on anything”

Jesus is Lord, “was that why you called me?” I asked as dad busted into laughter on his lounge chair where the nurse was kneeling beside him to give him his medication. I told her she was just a typical naija mum who would call her daughter to come downstairs and help her get the TV remote from the table in front of her.

I rushed back upstairs as I dialed Lolade’s number to get my most prized counsel.

The morning after pill, the saviour of many trysts was what Lolade suggested to me. But in my “church mind” I knew it was too late for that now. It has been around for years, and we all know what it is and how to get it. Yet there is a distinct lack of dialogue regarding it. Millions of women have taken it over the course of time that is has been available, yet nobody talks about it, and there’s still a definite stigma behind it. There shouldn’t be.

Then I began to think about Dayo and Sinmi’s short lived sex romp – did they use protection or not? But really, it aint any of my business, abeg no mind me joor. I am just looking for a cohort in this grave mistake of my entire sexual life.

I will deal with this on my own and not drag Goriola into my worst fear. No confirmations yet, I can bet it’s just an amber alert with no cause for alarm jare.

Lolade started disturbing me if I had done a pregnancy test. “amebo, you don broadcast me to everyone abi”, and the Aisha said “hmmm, your pussy must have been super itchy for you to have allowed raw cock to drive and screw your honey well”

“all of you dey sick o, instead of comforting me abi”

All the silly babes busted into laughter, and Sinmi spoke after a long time of been silent “shei when you were enjoying the whole romp, did you call us for comfort?”

I told them that I would do the pregnancy test and they should all come on face time to see in case I faint during the process from getting a positive result.

I rushed off to the pharmacy and got a PT test kit, and waited till the early morning to pee on it. Aisha and Lolade were awake as early as 6am, and the called my facetime as I peed on the kit. I laid it down to read and “tada” to God be the glory it was negative. I screamed out in joy and they were all happy too, only for “madam kill joy” Sinmi to join in the video call and said “you all are mumu o, shei na 5 days’ pregnancy they show?”

Those words, as truthful as they were, they sank my heart and I was back to square one.

I didn’t want to throw the used kit in the trash at home with the fear that my mum would snoop around and see it in the trash can. Instead, I took it with me that night as I lied that I was going to get suya at the popular estate suya spot, and half way to the suya place, I dropped the kit into the thrash can in from of a house, 2 streets away from my parents’ – don’t you all be laughing at me, I can bet someone has been this scared before among the readers LOL.

OXO for the night, Shakiti Baby