How Shoki Song Cost Me My Job

710

I made it to the final stage of the recruitment process of one multinational. The interview was for 9am at their Island office.
I can boldly say they were looking for candidates who had the virtue of patience because the interview didn’t commence till 1pm.
Seated in the waiting room were 10 other candidates making us 11 altogether. They said it was 15 minutes for each candidate.
I noticed that each time a candidate came out of the interview room, the person had frustration written all over them. (The waiting room was a glass house so we could see those passing by)

I was curious on what sort of questions were being asked but interviewed candidates were not allowed back into the waiting room.
Candidate no5 was the worst hit. He was practically dragging his feet and nodding his head disappointedly as he walked past. I had to sneak out to meet him at the lobby.
“Please, how was it?” I asked.
He just looked at me and said, “Oniranu. Very yeye man! How can they ask me the effect of cashless policy on naira devaluation just because I had a 2.1 in banking?”
He said it was a 2-man panel and I should be wary of the dark skinned man who was the devil incarnate. Then he gave me his file jacket to hold briefly that he needed to locate their toilet urgently. He was probably purging cos I see no reason he could not hold on till he got home .
While I waited for him, the man that ushered us in caught me by the lobby. He was mad that I left the waiting room before I was called and instructed me to go into the interview room immediately even though I insisted it wasn’t my turn yet.
I tucked no5 file jacket into my handbag and went in, hoping that I would be out by the time he returns from the toilet.

I recognised the alleged devil as soon as I got in.
“Please sit.”, the light skinned man (LS) said while his devil colleague sized me up from feet to head. He didn’t even respond when I greeted him.
After the usual, “can we meet you?”, “what do you know about our company?” “Why did you apply for this job?” questions of which I answered to the best of my knowledge , the LS man asked me, “Tell us what is happening in NIGERIA.” All along I kept wishing the devil man will continue playing deaf and dumb till I was out.
I talked about the forthcoming  elections.
LS man was really jovial and I was pleased the interview was towing the way of a conversation with a friend. He told me he’s pro PDP and asked which political party I belonged to. I’m in support of neither but the goal is to please your interviewer so I said I’m an avid supporter of PDP too.
“See my person o.” He said excitedly. “You need to see what a PDP governor has done in my state.”
“Which state Sir?”
“AkwaIbom.”
“Oh Governor Akpabio. That man is awesome. He’s totally transformed Uyo. Their stadium is a stunner!”
“Not just Uyo, everywhere in the state.”
“I once bought a movie ticket for N100 at Silverbird Uyo, are tickets still sold that price?” I asked.
“I don’t watch movies. So you’ve been to my town?”

I was trying to ensure our conversation does not cross our friendly threshold throughout the 15mins duration and by the time he realises I had tricked him into asking me frivolous questions, it will be too late to ask further questions except, “When can you resume?”
All along, the amala-faced man was staring at me like a wounded lion, patiently waiting for me to mess up. LoL. Suddenly, the sound of music filled the air.
“Shoki Shoki Shoki ah! Shoki Shoki Shoki ah! I’m looking for my…”

Both of them looked puzzled and the smile on the LS man face faded. I was confused as to where the music was coming from.
“Young lady, are you looking for a job or you’re looking for shoki?” Devil finally spoke.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
The music began again.
“How dare you come into an interview room without switching off your phone!” He roared.
It then occurred to me that it was no5 phone ringing inside my bag. It had destabilised me and the atmosphere and I dug my right hand into my bag, searching  frantically for the power button of the phone.
“Just look at her Mr Eyibo! Look at her! All of them are the same!” Devil said as he slammed his hands on the table ferociously. Mr Eyibo was defenceless.
“I’m taking over from here!” Devil said authoritatively. “Young lady, what are you bringing into this company?”
“Ermmm…” I stuttered. Panic had made me dumb.
“Young lady, I say gauge your attributes and tell us your unique contributions to the growth and continued success of this company?”  He shook his head. “How will you demonstrate integrity and command respect in tough situations as a team member?”
I was just in my seat like, ‘Sir, you can vex oh. Instead of you to just tell me there’s no job.’
“Call the next person in.” He said dismissively. The LS man had sorry written over his face . . .

No5 was full of apologies when I told him everything but the damage had already been done.
Dude currently sends me links of every vacancy he finds online as if that is enough compensation. Good thing he got a regret mail too or we would have been wearing one leg of trousers.
I’m still job hunting..